Tuesday, July 5, 2016

Burger King's Mac n' Cheetos

Cheetos Puffs are my favorite chip. Although they're not actually a chip, are they? Are they a puff? That doesn't sound right either, although it's right there in the title. Let's call it a snack food-they are a food to snack on. Yes, Cheetos Puffs are my all-time favorite snack food. After the initial crunch of the Puff, they magically melt in your mouth. Leftover synthetic "cheese" dust envelops your fingers afterward. Go ahead, lick those fingers, you've earned it. The gaudy orange cheddar coloring and chemically induced cheesy flavor results in a transcendent experience. I love them.

Pretty much

I'm all for using the Puffs in unintended ways. I've used it as breading for fish and chicken more than once-definitely try this, they mush easily into powder. Taco Bell did the same thing with Doritos and the Locos Tacos. I've eaten several sandwiches topped with Red Hot Riplets-a fiery St. Louis delicacy. Adding snack foods to a dish works. It adds a little crunch and some extra flavor.

How did Burger King mess up deep-fried, Cheetoh Puff-crusted mac and cheese sticks?? Let's start with their appearance. In the print ads, they resemble your normal Cheetos Puff. Yum. Sign me up. As you can see, though, Mac n' Cheetos resemble bright orange clown turds. Unappetizing visual for sure, but I can move past that. These sausage-sized Donald Trump digits were quite hefty when picked up, and the promise of oozing cheesy pasta was almost too much to bare.

At this point, I was still excited. I was expecting that initial Puff crunch followed by a satisfying mac and cheese bite. Alas, the reality of BK's latest abomination-I'm looking at you black Halloween burger-did not line up with my expectations.
                                                              Paper tray liner = annoying 

It was squishy. Not squeaky like a cheese curd. Squishy like a used diaper. Despite that, I'm eager to try it-Cheetos are my crack! I bit into one and a wave of nostalgia hit me. The Mac n' Cheetos transported me to my parochial school cafeteria. Shuffling along in line, culottes up to my belly button, mouth salivating for the promise of some dino-shaped chicken nugs-it was all there, a bona fide time warp. I wish the flavor could've matched up with my nostalgia and my expectations. These little cheese sticks tasted like grade school cafeteria food. The macaroni inside was creamy, but it was also mushy and flavorless.On top of that, there was minimal Cheetoh Puff flavor. The taste was akin to a french fry-not a bad thing at all, but I was promised cheese dust!!

Burger King is having a dissociative personality meltdown. They're trying to ape the Bell with their slew of novelty items. That's not a problem, except they don't do it well. Be yourself BK, embrace your 2nd tier status and cook us something totally outrageous. Just make it edible.

Burger King's Mac n' Cheetos get a C for being more disappointing than Batman v. Superman.
Review by Mark

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